Listening to my regular morning radio show (SHOUTOUT TO THE KANE SHOW!) on the drive to work the other day I was shocked by the topic of discussion. Well not necessarily the topic, but more so some of the opinions of the female dj’s. They were talking about women having their own bank account, separate from their husband’s/significant others, and not telling them about it. The women on the show all admitted to this being a good idea (if they didn’t already have one they were going to open one) because it was a great way to protect yourself. They used the reasoning that so many marriages end in divorce and you need to make sure you take care of yourself.
Even though I do not have a separate banking account outside of our joint account I can completely understand why many woman do. What I don’t understand is the not telling your husband about it. That omission is a lie. And lying suggests lack of trust, and if you have lack of trust your marriage could very quickly be headed down the divorce path. I understand wanting to protect yourself, and making sure you’re provided for god forbid if anything should happen, be it sickness, death or divorce. I don’t think you should lie to your partner about it.
When you commit to be with someone for the rest of your life, whether you call it marriage, civil union, or even common law, you’ve made a commitment. People change over time, that’s only natural and the hope is that the relationship will change and grow with you. Occasionally you grow apart and realize that commitment is no longer something you can keep. But if you’re lying, and lying about money, you’re not trusting your partner. Money is a difficult issue, it tears friendships apart like a knife through hot butter, it weighs on romantic relationships almost from day one (do I pay for the date? do we split the check?). Even if the reasoning behind the lie is protection for yourself that doesn’t make sense.