I always become very confused when I read things that state the differences between men and women. They’re all very women think this and men think that. They attempt to drill down and define all women as one thing and all men as one thing. This really makes my brain hurt because it’s just not true. Men and women may be very different and relate to each other differently. But each and every woman is different and will relate to other women differently, same with men. It’s the difference between one person and another that in my opinion is not broken down merely based on the gender of the people. 

Take my husband and I for instance. We arrive (9 times out of 10) at the same conclusions but we come to those conclusions from completely different start points with crazily different paths in between. Alex is a very logical, rational, calm and collected individual. I am pretty much the complete opposite. I’m emotional, intense and make decisions based on gut instinct. I react to things while he acts upon things after contemplating each side of the issue.  This isn’t because he’s male and because I’m female. It’s who we are as people.

We so very much want to reduce people to one word descriptors. Men are_________. Women are__________. This just isn’t reasonable.

Some women I interact with (from an older generation) happen to be pretty judgemental on men. They insist that a women must do this, this and that to keep her man interested. This thought process is then reinforced in magazines with all the articles of How to Please your Man. The plain fact though is this…if that person (be they male or female) is only interested in you based on how you dress, what makeup you wear or what sexual position is your favorite, would you really want to stay with someone so small?

Relationships are based on mutual honesty, affection, love and they take a lot of hard work. Why are women expected to do certain things to keep their man? And why are  men expected to certain things to keep their girl from being crazy? Does no one see how all that does is reinforce stereotypes and keep both sexes down? Not to mention what it does to homosexual relationships! 

I don’t cook. I’m pretty bad at it. Absent minded klutzy people shouldn’t be around sharp knives anyway! Yet I daily read/see articles about how a women must cook to impress/keep her man. My husband is the cook in our relationship. He’s good at it, he enjoys it. Why would I make us both suffer by insisting I cook? Now he gets tired of cooking all the time, especially after a long day at work. So I try my hand and cook dinner and am trying to do it more, to help relieve his stress. It’s not about me taking up the reigns as the stereotypical housewife but as being a helpmate, a supporter of our relationship.

The Husband and I on New Year's Eve

The Husband and me on New Year’s Eve

We both clean. We both forget to clean as often as we probably should. We both take care of our cats. We both do laundry. We both forget to do laundry until we trip over the laundry pile. He grocery shops and finds the best deals in the world (not over exaggerating here! Alex is the Deal-Finder-Extraordinaire!). I hit up CVS and get our bath supplies and cleaning supplies and whatever random things we need. We talk together about our finances. We discuss our future–personally, professionally, mutual. We both take out the trash. He takes out the recycling…mainly because I’m lazy and don’t want to go all the way to the basement. We both know very little about cars–but we’re darn good at Google! He’s an IT man and by benefit of being near him I’ve learned more about computers than I think I have. I’m a Batman and Buffy obsessed fangirl and by benefit of being near him he’s learned more about geeky obsessions than he ever wanted too. We both love Disney movies and musicals. He’s a teaser and sarcasm expert. I’m learning. He reads fiction and classics. I read sci-fi and fantasy. We both don’t understand what the other sees in their genre of reading.

Simply put…We love each other. We work hard to make the other person happy. Somedays it’s the little things that make us happy. Occasionally we need some sort of grand gesture. We’re both happy doing nothing together. We’re both encouraging of the other persons hobbies (whether we completely understand that hobby or not). There are days when our ability to communicate is pretty non-existent. Then other days it’s like we’re riding the same wave. We don’t judge each other based on stereotypes or other people’s relationships.

I think I’ve most likely gotten incredibly off track…in fact I’m sure of it. I set out with the goal to prove how women aren’t all one way and men aren’t all another way. I didn’t prove that (cause honestly is that something you can really prove?). But hopefully in the midst of my ramble one can see that men aren’t from Mars and women from Venus. We’re just people, interacting. And we all interact differently.

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