Listening to the radio this morning and one of the topics was “Why/How/When do Women want their Men to be Jealous?”

My response to this is NEVER.

Jealousy is a form of insecurity and immaturity. It shows a lack of trust in someone who is supposed to be your partner. If you’re married to this person it’s even worse when you show jealousy. Getting jealous shows that you don’t trust your partner or that you wouldn’t trust yourself in that same situation so you project. Either way jealousy is not a form of showing your care – it’s a form of showing insecurity.

My husband is not the jealous type – which suits me perfectly. We both like to do different things and in fact encourage the other to do those things. One major strength of our relationship (and by extension our marriage) is that we know that we’re each our own person. Alex is still Alex and I’m still Brittany – doesn’t matter that we got married or that we’ve been together for eight years. Our relationship should not and does not negate our individual personhood.

When we were younger and I still enjoyed going out I would go out with my friends and dance the night away. There wasn’t a problem with it – Alex didn’t like dancing and would prefer I not force him into that situation. He goes out with his friends and I only worry that he’s been in a car accident if he doesn’t call when he says he will. I never jump to the “oh god he’s cheating on me” scenario.

I trust him. He trusts me. We made the decision to be with each other – it’s that simple. Besides I’m the natural worrywart so if he doesn’t call when he says he will or is later than he originally told me I’ve determined that there was this horrible car accident and everything is on fire…so that by the time he does reach out to me I’m panicked that he’s dead. Which is part of my personality – to worry over losing those I love in a way I can’t control (nevermind the fact you can’t control when/how someone dies 99.99% of the time). He’s come home many a time to a panic freak out because I’ve decided that he’s dead….or on one memorable occasion because someone named Alex in a tv show I was watching died so I thought the same was going to happen to him.

So here’s the thing ladies and gentlemen. If your partner is jealous or you get jealous…maybe you should sit down and really evaluate what’s going on. Do you not trust your partner? That’s a much bigger issue. Do you not trust yourself? That’s also a bigger issue. Are you afraid you’re not good enough and they’re going to leave you for someone better? Well, then maybe you need to take the time to remember that they are with you for a reason – and it’s not for you to understand, it’s for your partner to understand. Be confidant enough in who you are as a person to know that you deserve to be loved.