I’m doing the usual (for me anyway) posting on Facebook for the month of November, where I say something I’m thankful for every day of the month. I think it’s a nice way to really concentrate on the good things in life – especially since we all have a tendency to get wrapped up in the stress or pulled down by the bad that life can throw at you.

So many articles/studies lately have been about how people portray their lives on social media and that it’s usually so much grander and “better” than the reality. So as I posted this morning about how thankful I was for my Husband and all the good he does for me I realized maybe that could be taken the wrong way.

Maybe someone sees that I’m thankful for how he can take the time when he’s running late to give me a hug before he leaves and somehow construe that we have this “perfect” relationship. I’ll be honest – I don’t think there is any perfect relationship, only ones that work and ones that don’t. His and mine, it works.

There are days when I want to throw things at him. And I’m 100% certain he has the same feeling towards me at times. We don’t communicate the same way and spend a lot of time trying to figure out what in the world the other person means by what they just said. We argue over the stupid little things, we enable each others bad habits while getting frustrated with the other person for having bad habits in the first place.

What I think makes our relationship work is that we’ve both taken the time to learn what the other persons love language is. The selfless gestures that one can make that has their partner swooning and feeling like they’re the most loved person on the earth. For my Husband it’s not the big grand story romance gestures. For him he knows I love him when I clean up the kitchen, even though it’s technically his chore. He doesn’t want flowers, gifts or anything silly as that. He wants a partner, someone who supports him when he’s stressed. So when I take the time to make dinner, something he knows I hate doing, that I don’t think I do well, and that can quite often put me in a bad mood…right up until I see his face when he realizes I’ve made dinner. That’s how measures my love for him. That’s his love language, the everyday things.

I’m a romantic at heart. Always have been, always will be. I love the little every day things, I think they’re the foundation of our relationship and keeping the love alive. That doesn’t mean that occasionally I don’t need flowers or some stupid silly gesture. I can look at the waste of buying flowers that will die in a few days pragmatically but there’s still that romantic part of me that wants them. My Husband knows this. And so he’ll put aside his logical rational side and buy me flowers, or bring me some special candy. He goes along with my date nights because he knows it makes me happy. He will let me pick the movie – even when it’s that disaster of a rom-com that he never wanted to see in the first place. He goes, he holds my hand, he smiles at the giddy wife at his side. He knows my love language.

We know each others love language. We’ve melded it together. So I realize that because he loves when I do the little things that when he does them for me he’s showing he loves me. He knows that when I buy him a random card that I’m showing him I love him. We have learned how the little things and the big gestures matter differently to the other person, but we both do our best to incorporate them into our relationship as needed.

So as we struggle with bringing a tiny human into our world, the stresses of demanding jobs and juggling work/life balances we know the road isn’t always smooth going. We know there’s going to be more arguments over stupid things, disagreements over how to handle big situations. We know there are going to be sleepless nights, tears and panic. But we also know that we have a foundation of love. We know what the other one needs to feel loved and we know that to keep our relationship working that even when we want to strangle the other person, if we do the little things and the grand gestures that the love will keep going.

So yes, I’m in love with my Husband. Yes I’m thankful to have him as my partner in life. But no, our relationship is not perfect. Just because I don’t decide to air our dirty laundry and arguments on social media doesn’t mean those moments don’t happen. And just because those moments happen in no way diminishes the love I have for him.

5-love-languages

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