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So yesterday evening was my first major panic attack of this pregnancy. Which seeing as how I’m 23 weeks along I think an amazing feat! Over the past few years my anxiety level has crept higher and higher in conjunction with my depression. I’ve learned to cope with it and even learned how to breathe my way through panic attacks to the point where I don’t have them as often, unless I put myself in a trigger situation (a.k.a. riding roller coasters or the very top of a really high building).

So last night’s experience was a wonder.

It started with back pain. The back pain started that afternoon at work, probably due to the fact that Tadpole was moving around a lot and I just couldn’t get comfortable in my work chair. Logically I knew this and did what I could to alleviate the pain – walking, stretching, not thinking about it.

By the time I got home the pain was to the point where any other time I would have taken an Exedrin extra strength and toddled myself to bed. Of course that wasn’t an option at this point, so I found a slightly comfortable position on the couch, picked up my phone and proceeded to google back pain in pregnancy.

Like the oh so intelligent person I am I was half convinced that I was either experiencing Braxton Hicks or actual labor. I fixated on the actual labor and worked myself up into a panic of what to do. (This is all in the space of about fifteen minutes mind you).

By the time Husband arrived home I had worked myself up so much that my stomach was hurting and I used that as a sign that of course I was in early labor and going to see Tadpole much sooner than she or I was ready for! He asked if I was okay, took one look at my terrified eyes and proceeded to calm me down. It’s just back pain. You’re fine. Dinner will be here shortly. After you eat you’ll feel much better.

Our dinner arrived, I ate and by the time I had finished eating I realized that my back no longer hurt. My stomach was still in knots thanks to adrenaline having no where else to go. But I was of course perfectly fine and not in labor and not even experiencing Braxton Hicks. I had however experienced a panic attack. A mild one, thankfully, but one nonetheless. And one completely brought on by my own insecurities and fears combined with the joys of being a first time mother.

Hint: For those that haven’t already figured this out…WebMD while theoretically helpful has the worse case scenario on there and if you’re prone to panic you suddenly find yourself with cancer. Or in my case preterm labor.


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